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Crystal Meth Became More Important Than Anything In My Life - Including My Life by Tala Tootoosis

Note: This is part one of a three-part series. Tala Tootoosis hopes by sharing a painful part of her life she can help other young people who have fallen prey to drugs and alcohol. Tootoosis is also a motivational speaker. Her email address is listed below.

Crystal Meth Became More Important Than Anything In My Life - Including My Life by Tala Tootoosis

My name is Tala Tootoosis. I am 22-years-old and I have a story to tell you today. I will tell you my story in whole truth about who I am, where I am

from, what happened and where I am now. First, I would like to tell you who I am. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a cousin, a niece, a friend and a human being. I am a Plains Cree, and Nakota Sioux, I am a proud member of the bear clan of the longhouse in Akwesasne, New York. I am also a proud member of the Sturgeon Lake First nation in Saskatchewan, Canada.

I was born in Saskatoon and lived there for a while with my mom and dad. I started dancing at powwow's at the age of two and went to many places traveling with my mom. Then my mom and dad split up and I moved to Akwesasne, New York where I lived for about eight years. This is where my mom got sober from alcohol. We also had to start from scratch there so we lived in a really bad trailer with hardly anything luxurious but we had a sober, loving mom who worked really hard to take care of us and teach us to be grateful for what we had. I learned a lot in Akwesasne. I learned about the D.A.R.E. program, youth councils, Alateen (Alcoholics Anonymous for young people) and good alternatives of what's considered cool in school and getting good grades. I also learned a lot about the Mohawk people and their ways. They are very rich in their culture and still practice their way of life but have still adapted to the times. I received a Mohawk name in the Longhouse as did my sibling's and my mother. When I was 11-years-old, after a lot of saving up, we moved back to Canada.

We've lived in Canada for about 11 years now. I have done a lot of things that affected my life in a good and bad way. I started getting stoned on marijuana when I was about 13-years-old and then drinking when I was 14. The way my life was going didn't seem to affect where I wanted to be at the time. I mean all the kid's were doing it, right? Who was I to say what wasn't cool. I continued to quit drinking from time to time. When I tried to quit I never sought help because at such a young age I thought there was no possible way I could be a drug addict or an alcoholic. During my spare time I would help out in the community by helping at the local youth council or traveling to powwow's or going on powwow tours like to Albuquerque, New Mexico or to Russia.

I also went on a ride called "The Unity Ride" that consisted of getting up every morning and having a pipe ceremony, eating something, then taking off on horseback or on foot to our next destination, taking lunch breaks and going all day till supper time. I learned a lot about living the way my people used to live according to our traditional way of life. We were doing it all for the unity of our people. I was also trained to be a model and an actress; I was in an acting troupe at the time too. These activities and trips helped me realize that besides trying to be the coolest girl in school I could have an impact on my community and even other people.

When I turned 17 I got pregnant by a guy I 'd been seeing for quite a few months and I had a baby girl. We raised her together and we worked very hard. I got a job at the casino where my spouse also had a job. At this job I worked long enough to make it up to $12.34 an hour while still going to high school trying to get my diploma. I had spent so much time in high school trying to be cool and getting high all day and drunk on the weekends, I never thought about how important school really was. At this job I was able to get hired without a diploma as long as I was working toward it and that's exactly what I was doing. The only problem was I was an alcoholic and a drug addict that was pretending to be an adult. I was working myself crazy and going to high school. I was told by a counselor that when you start doing drugs and drinking you stop growing emotionally. I had started when I was 13 right? So how in the world could a 13-year-old raise a baby, go to school, work a steady job and try to be a teenager all at the same time? If you ask me I still don't know what I thought I was doing.

I was so caught up in trying to be an adult and have all the material possessions any 19 year old would wish for and forgot about the 13-year-old who wanted to grow up and still go party and hang out with her friends. I thought I had it all under control until the day came when my relationship spoiled and abuse came into the picture.

I knew I wanted to be successful with my dreams and not let a relationship bring me down so I left him. I thought I could handle all the bills and taking care of my daughter all by myself. I was wrong and soon after the bills went up and I didn't have enough money to pay for all of them so slowly I let things go. I started pawning things to pay for necessities and with all this going on I didn't even get over my ex so I was hiding feelings and didn't know how to numb them out.

I started drinking and I thought I could control that too because mind you emotionally I am 13 and haven't dealt with any of my issues. There were other issues too from when I was a child and still to this day I have to work through them. There are abuse issues, abandonment issues, neglect issues and so many other things and oh the list goes on. I decided that now that I wasn't in a possessive or controlling relationship anymore so I could do whatever I wanted and no one could tell me what to do. I got out of the abusive relationship and started abusing myself. Ironically, I didn't even see it coming.

The drinking was just a start because after a couple weekends with my own car, my own money, my own house and credit cards I thought I had it made! I went out every weekend and left my daughter at a babysitter so much you would think it was their kid. It hurt so much to know that my life was spiraling out of control but I didn't care because the alcohol was numbing the pain that kept coming so I matched the drugs with the pain. I ran into crowds of people everywhere that were doing this new drug called crystal meth. Then the madness began.

It was from the first night of lighting up that pipe that I was hooked. It was as innocent to me as trying on a pair of jeans that I would never buy. My first binge was four days where I didn't eat nor sleep and I had been gone so long that my daughter got apprehended by social services. When I did come down from the drug which felt like I was dying I went home to my mom's house to tell her that I needed help and I wanted her to take care of my daughter until I got better because I was sick and I needed to find out where I went wrong.

Read Part Two
Read Part Three

Contact Tala Tootoosis regarding a speaking engagement at summrlilly@yahoo.ca