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Note: This is part three of a three-part series. Tala Tootoosis hopes by sharing a painful part of her life she can help other young people who have fallen prey to drugs and alcohol.

Crystal Meth Became More Important Than Anything In My Life - Including My Life by Tala Tootoosis

Read Part One
Read Part Two

I ended up getting my own place and got my job back at the casino. I still attended meetings on a weekly basis and was currently researching crystal meth so I would know what it was, where it came from, who invented it and what it has done to my mind and body. I also started fighting to get custody of my daughter even though I already had her in my care from the day I got out of rehab. There were so many reasons I could think of if I wanted to use, but I never stopped to think of the reasons why I started using. I had been clean for nine months and I thought I was doing pretty darn well. I found out in rehab that when I quit drinking and doing drugs, that was just the start and there was a lot more work to be done than learning to stay away from those substances. I may have learned that but I made a mistake and didn't apply that lesson to my life. I started hanging out in my old stomping grounds, the bars, and hanging with old friends.

During this time my ex decided it was a good time to point the finger at my past and keep my daughter after a visit and not bring her back. I thought this was a perfect opportunity to go and have a drink at he bar, just one of course. That one thought turned into a drink, which turned into one night of drinking and then one week of using. I ended up relapsing on crystal meth, cocaine and alcohol all at once. Within this week I came home and found my home to be lonely and dark and I missed my daughter horribly. I really messed up again and it didn't seem like I was doing much to get her back. I went to my mom's and told her the truth about what happened and that I needed her help and would do anything to smarten up. I moved in with my neighbor and tried to clean up my act but after a couple months I started to smoke weed again and I knew exactly where I was going with this. I lived with this roommate for about 4 months and then decided I needed more help so I moved back with my mom and really thought about how I should go about this recovery business. I wondered if I looked at myself (something I never did) and what I had done wrong to myself and others and learned about forgiveness and all the principles and steps at the support groups I was going to that maybe something different would happen. If I quit blaming and started forgiving, learning to love rather than yearning to be loved, maybe I would get somewhere. I wanted to know more about who I was and what I liked and loved to do. I remembered the potential I knew I had and put that motivation into the community again. I jumped on as many committees and councils as I could.

I am currently a representative for TheYouth Justice Relations Committee (YJRC) for the F.S.I.N. (Federation of Saskatchewan Indians). I sat on the Youth Advisory Council, the Prince Albert Addictions Strategy Council and tried to put myself to use in any which way I could. I like performing with my friend who is a hip hop emcee who promotes a drug and alcohol free lifestyle. I break dance again and I support my friend by dancing at her shows. I also started dancing fancy shawl again and really remember the passion I have for my culture and way of life. I still attend meetings almost twice a week as well as going to sweats. I am now a motivational speaker who can speak out about the dangers of crystal meth and other drugs that I have done. I wanted to get out into the community and help promote awareness of this horrible drug that took over my life and how I took my  life back. I started speaking in schools and communities heard my voice and wanted to hear what I have to say which is great.

I also started acting again in a drama group I am proud to be a part of, called (WSW) Warrior Spirit Walking. We try to promote a drug an alcohol free lifestyle and show the kids that there is a better way and if they want to live the other way we can tell it like it is, no lie. In this troupe we all have our experiences with drugs, gangs and violence and we express our pain through this way.

There are many stories that need to be told and this is just mine. I hope there will be many other people who will really step up and take a stand to fight for their life and live for a purpose not just exist. There are still affects that will continue within my body and mind but I'm working with it and struggling to maintain a normal life as best I can. I still can't drink coffee too much, I can't let my heartbeat go to fast, my teeth are pretty bad and my bones and muscles are starting to get better. My memory is starting to come back a little bit but not as good as I thought it would. I can go to bed at a normal time and eat like a normal person. My nasal passages are still pretty bad and the cravings are still there. The triggers are in almost everything I see touch taste or smell. The depression gets really bad sometimes and it's hard to get out of it but I have a pretty strong foundation to fall back on because everyday I am building on it. These are things I have to live with everyday but I thank the Creator that I can actually feel these feelings and go through life, living it day by day.

I don't try to tell anyone how to live their life. I just tell people how I lived mine and what happened. I am not special nor do I think I am better than anybody. I am just an average girl (young lady) trying to make it in this world and thank God that I can be that girl today. I don't really have any kind of prevention program to follow but I have my story and that's it. I'd now like to tell you who I am now, I am now once again a mother, a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a cousin, a niece, a friend, a proud First nation youth and most of all I am ME again but better!

So now what do you think of crystal meth?

Note: The Publisher at NYM wishes to commend Tala for coming forward with her story. May the Creator give her the courage and strength to continue on the RIGHT ROAD and share her story as a way to encourage others.